weekend in new york

so, this weekend i am traveling to the Big Apple to visit my awesome New York boyfriend.  since he hasn't spent the past two years as a wandering gypsy/ "finding himself", he is lucky gainfully employed and has thoughtfully purchased my plane ticket for a visit.  woo-hoo!

since i haven't gotten paid for my subjobs yet, i am still courageously non-liquid, which i think will be ok.  (i was about to say "i am still frightfully non-liquid," but i refuse to be frightened by something like waning financial irresponsibility.)  new york is not the easiest city in the world to navigate on a budget (understatement of the century), but i have too much invested in my future financial freedom to squander my newly coveted fiscal resources.  we will simply have to spend the weekend doing activities that do not necessitate lots of liquidity such as netflix, talking, and having loads of sex.  oh darn.

at least, this is what i thought i was feeling.

i got an email today from my New York boyfriend, who said that one of "our spots" (a bar where we had a really magical night one of the first nights i decided i was in love with him) is now serving brunch, and that we should go this saturday and check it out.  at first i was so excited.  but then thought, "shoot.  i might not be able to afford this brunch, depending on how the weekend goes."  do you know what a weird feeling that is, to really admit that to yourself?  it was weird to me.  i think if i had to do it a year ago, it would have made me feel sick and horrible.  one of the worst-- the absolute WORST-- feelings in the entire world to me is the feeling of feeling poor.  NOT the kind of poor where you are "poor", but living with a bunch of hippies/ gypsies/ travelers on the road and playing music and hitchhiking and busking and dirty and having adventures and living the life kind of poor.  no.  that kind of poor is manageable.  i'm talking about the kind of poor where everybody around you seems refined and elegant and is wearing perfectly coordinated hip designer vintagewear and looking grand and fabulous and drinking champagne and talking about what's going on in the world and what they're doing in their interesting jobs, and you wanting to belong and converse with them as equals with your handsome and intelligent boyfriend, but you're not sure that what's left in your checking account is going to cover your happy hour tab-- that kind of poor.  that is the worst.  and that is the kind of poor i felt like i was being given the opportunity to face/ admit to/ overcome.  very uncomfortable stuff. 

in the past, i never would have done this.  i never would have even considered thinking, (letting alone telling anyone) that maybe brunch at our adorable place was not really part of my budget for the time being.  what i would have done is respond "ok, great!", and gone ahead and spent whatever money i had left on keeping up appearances.

however, armed with my new vision about where i am and where i want to be, as well as all the practice of getting real with it on this blog, the prospect of coming clean did feel a little more manageable.

so i wrote him back, and told him that while it sounded like a super idea, i wasn't really in a position this weekend to go dutch on a lot of the things i'd normally be really excited to do.  i wish i could say it was a breeze, but that would be lying.  it sucked.  it really did!  it sucked real bad, and even though i do have the most understanding and wonderful BF on the block, it felt lousy and lame and pathetic.  but then what happened?  i got over it.  i was like "well, whatever.  it's only temporary.  one day i'll be rich, and i'll laugh about the days i felt silly about being on budget."  



wouldn't you know, he wrote back:

"oh melissa i know, and its okay. you're in transition!  i'm not going to relent on the brunch though, so, i'm taking you to brunch on saturday... and i mean, if we want to do something, we'll just do it."

wow.  aren't i lucky?  some people are just so lucky.  i am just the luckiest thing!  now, i don't even have to spend my burgeoning resources AND i still get to eat brunch at the huckleberry bar on saturday with one of the best boys in all of New York city!!  i am so lucky.

i don't mean to be preachy, but i think this is what you get for being honest.  i highly suggest it!