hi all! fyi, i am now blogging under a new address:
the life and times of melissa buckley
(whatisayistrue.blogspot.com)
hope to see you there!!
<3
Thursday, December 6, 2012
Friday, March 23, 2012
i take it back!
dear my new company-- i am so sorry i called you a no-name company without a website on my blog. i feel like an idiot. you are awesome with your huge gorgeous windows looking out over central park on the 30th floor and marble conference room and lovely, wonderful people and all those delicious snacks and free lunch. i didn't know. i take it back! i love you. thank you for hiring me!!
Thursday, March 22, 2012
update
Hi everybody!
So I'm now living in Brooklyn, New York, and going on job interviews. This is the first time I've really ever been through the interview process (in the professional sense) and let me tell you, it's been a trip.
I am working with a couple of recruiters at this executive search firm in Manhattan. The girls there are super sweet. They say that even though my resume is somewhat of a trainwreck, I am polished and have poise and they should be able to get me into a little something at least to start, so I can begin building my professional experience and network. Eventually, I'm looking to become employed by a Hedge Fund. I hear that's where the administrative help makes the big bucks.
When I go on linkedin and look at other people's resumes, sometimes I start to feel really bad. The recruiter that called me today, for example, is my age. She started out working as a paid staffer after college (doing personal assistance for a Senator's wife, and managing the Senator's house while he was on the trail, how cool is that?), and then became employed by one of the best companies to work for in Washington, DC (as nominated by Washingtonian Magazine), and then moved on to another prestigious job, until finally she arrived at the recruitment firm where she works today, placing people like me in entry level receptionist positions in no-name companies that don't even have a website. I see her employment history (via linkedin, where I spy on all the people that I want to work for) and it makes me sad and upset. Sad that I didn't have the confidence to try for the same things back then, and upset because I know that I'm probably just as smart and talented as she is, and why couldn't I have done the things that she did?
Does anybody else ever feel like that?
But then I think to myself, "Hey self, guess what? She probably hasn't traveled the country in a truck with a girlfriend and on a real adventure. She probably has never lived in a community or on a farm. She probably hasn't experienced a variety of yoga and meditation practices with some of the best teachers in the world. She probably doesn't know how to draw blood and soothe patients, and she's probably never seen a live birth before. She's probably never taught and mentored children and teens, and she probably doesn't play a million instruments and sing with the confidence and freedom that you do. And she probably doesn't have an inspiring blog about financial freedom and coming clean with all your dirty little secrets."
I need to stop comparing myself to others in this hyper-focused, individualized way, and start valuing myself and my path and what I bring to the table. Because if I zoom in on my resume, yeah, there's kind of a lot to be desired. But if I focus on the full scope of my life history-- a path rich in personality, illuminated with variety, explosive with heart-- then I feel good, and remember that I am doing just fine.
my linkedin, in case you want to spy on or hire me
So I'm now living in Brooklyn, New York, and going on job interviews. This is the first time I've really ever been through the interview process (in the professional sense) and let me tell you, it's been a trip.
I am working with a couple of recruiters at this executive search firm in Manhattan. The girls there are super sweet. They say that even though my resume is somewhat of a trainwreck, I am polished and have poise and they should be able to get me into a little something at least to start, so I can begin building my professional experience and network. Eventually, I'm looking to become employed by a Hedge Fund. I hear that's where the administrative help makes the big bucks.
When I go on linkedin and look at other people's resumes, sometimes I start to feel really bad. The recruiter that called me today, for example, is my age. She started out working as a paid staffer after college (doing personal assistance for a Senator's wife, and managing the Senator's house while he was on the trail, how cool is that?), and then became employed by one of the best companies to work for in Washington, DC (as nominated by Washingtonian Magazine), and then moved on to another prestigious job, until finally she arrived at the recruitment firm where she works today, placing people like me in entry level receptionist positions in no-name companies that don't even have a website. I see her employment history (via linkedin, where I spy on all the people that I want to work for) and it makes me sad and upset. Sad that I didn't have the confidence to try for the same things back then, and upset because I know that I'm probably just as smart and talented as she is, and why couldn't I have done the things that she did?
Does anybody else ever feel like that?
But then I think to myself, "Hey self, guess what? She probably hasn't traveled the country in a truck with a girlfriend and on a real adventure. She probably has never lived in a community or on a farm. She probably hasn't experienced a variety of yoga and meditation practices with some of the best teachers in the world. She probably doesn't know how to draw blood and soothe patients, and she's probably never seen a live birth before. She's probably never taught and mentored children and teens, and she probably doesn't play a million instruments and sing with the confidence and freedom that you do. And she probably doesn't have an inspiring blog about financial freedom and coming clean with all your dirty little secrets."
I need to stop comparing myself to others in this hyper-focused, individualized way, and start valuing myself and my path and what I bring to the table. Because if I zoom in on my resume, yeah, there's kind of a lot to be desired. But if I focus on the full scope of my life history-- a path rich in personality, illuminated with variety, explosive with heart-- then I feel good, and remember that I am doing just fine.
my linkedin, in case you want to spy on or hire me
Thursday, March 1, 2012
very important
it's become painfully obvious to me that money is nothing without passion. passion is everything. if you have passion, you are rich. if you feel passion towards your job, your friends, your love, your life-- this is richness.
if you don't have passion, no amount of money will feel fulfilling to you. that sense of anticipation and wonder and looking-forward-to-it-idness is everything. it's our lifeforce. it's what we live for. it's the crack of our spirit, without the hangover.
i'm not sure why it's taken me 29.5 years to figure this out. i mean, i heard it all throughout my life growing up. "money doesn't buy happiness" and blah and blah. "that's bullshit!" i said to myself. "that's just what broke folk (like me) tell themselves to make themselves feel better about their crap situation. i want to be rich!" i was wrong.
now that i've figured out the answer, i'm going to stop writing this blog and write a book. it's going to tell you all the truths that i've discovered about being yourself and finding true happiness. if you still want to read about me on the web, you can find me at: whatisayistrue.tumblr.com.
if you don't have passion, no amount of money will feel fulfilling to you. that sense of anticipation and wonder and looking-forward-to-it-idness is everything. it's our lifeforce. it's what we live for. it's the crack of our spirit, without the hangover.
i'm not sure why it's taken me 29.5 years to figure this out. i mean, i heard it all throughout my life growing up. "money doesn't buy happiness" and blah and blah. "that's bullshit!" i said to myself. "that's just what broke folk (like me) tell themselves to make themselves feel better about their crap situation. i want to be rich!" i was wrong.
now that i've figured out the answer, i'm going to stop writing this blog and write a book. it's going to tell you all the truths that i've discovered about being yourself and finding true happiness. if you still want to read about me on the web, you can find me at: whatisayistrue.tumblr.com.
Friday, February 24, 2012
more admissions
It's 4:24am as I start writing this blog. I haven't posted in a while, mostly because I haven't been inspired. It's weird, this inspiration thing, how it comes and goes.
I've been doing some serious introspection lately. I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing this particular blog entry or where it's going to go, but something about it feels important to do.
So this blog has been all about getting real with my finances. Along the way I sort of pieced together that being rich (monetarily, but also in the grander sense, like living a life that feels rich and full and free) is about facing your fears. I am not sure exactly how I came to this conclusion, but it feels right to me, so I'm going with it. (We'll see if it works!)
So. In today's entry, I'm going to write about people who I'm most scared of writing about. These are people who, for whatever reason, I've given enormous power in my mind. I feel things towards/ about them that scare me and that I don't want them to know. Worse than them knowing is the fact that I'm also writing about them on the internet without their permission (and I don't really know these people very well). This might make them mad, angry, embarrassed, and cause me to be generally viewed as overall pathetic.
These are very scary thoughts. It does not feel good to think about people not liking me or being mad at me or feeling uncomfortable because of me. But I refuse to be held hostage by my own fears any longer. I'm stronger than what anybody thinks of me, even if they are people who, for whatever reason, I really want to like me. This is about overcoming a fear of rejection. And like they say-- those who risk little, get little! Or no pain no gain. Or something like that.*
If you are one of the people mentioned in this blog, and you want me to remove your section, let me know and I will absolutely do it immediately, no comments, no questions asked. The point is for me to face my fears, not to have things on the internet that make you feel uncomfortable. I appreciate you being alive, because I am learning so much about myself through this exercise! I apologize if I offended you in anyway, that was not my intention.
Ok. Here we go:
Thoughts I'm scared of admitting to people
#1. Morgan H
Morgan is a peripheral friend/ acquaintance. She is badass and stylish. She has incredible taste. I secretly look at her facebook sometimes to get fashion and haircut inspiration, which is always spot on. She always appears cool and unaffected, and like she knows the perfect thing to say and do. She is in my circle of friends, but as distant as a movie star. I'm not even sure if we would have enough in common to be closer friends, or if that's even the point. She is awesome.
Why I am scared of writing this:
I'm scared I will look pathetic for admiring her so much. I'm scared she will feel embarrassed because of me and I don't want to affect people like that. I don't want her to hate me or think I'm crazy and weird.
Ok. Was that so hard? Yes. It was. Really hard. I feel strange, icily weird and squirmish. Why? What is the big deal? Do I really need to take myself so seriously? No, I do not. Really, who cares? So you like this girl's style. GREAT! Why is that so bad? That is not bad. That is good. That is fine. Also, nobody is taking this as seriously as you are. You are the only one taking this seriously. They are only feelings. Enough. You are fine.
And, furthermore, so what if somebody doesn't like you? Really, does everybody have to like you? No, they don't. And won't. So you might as well be yourself.
Ok, keep telling yourself that. '
Ok, moving on.
#2: Aaron L.
So, this person is somebody I have admired from afar for a long time. I'm totally drawn to him. He writes for pitchfork and the Washington post. He's good looking and smart. I love his smile. It's not a sexual attraction, but there is some type of attraction there. One time, he gave me a ride in his car because I had a crush on his roommate. Might have been the best car ride of my entire life. I want to do something grand for him-- I want to be rich and give him a million dollars. I want to write and produce a really incredible album that he loves-- not so that he'll write about it, but maybe so that he will listen to it over and over and somehow be reminded without quite knowing why that he is good and important and necessary and inspiring.
Why scared: I feel dorky, silly, stupid, embarrassed-- I have these big feelings towards somebody I barely know. He will think I am pathetic.
Ok, this is getting easier. (No, it isn't. I just read this section over and I feel totally weird and scared. GET OVER IT! Getting over it.)
Moving on.
#3 Kathryn H.
Girl from my high school. We used to be very close. She was my first favorite singing partner. Her voice was (is, probably) piercingly melodic and pure. Hearing her sing is like breathing the freshest, cleanest air after being trapped in a dumpster or a gas chamber (only for your ears). I hooked up with her boyfriend senior year while they were dating and it ruined our friendship. It took me years to forgive myself and I'm not sure I ever got over it. She had a lot of things I wanted back then (not just her boyfriend), and still does. I remember only the good things about her. She is perfect in my mind. I miss laughing with her. She laughs like a queen.
Why scared: I am not sure. I can't figure this one out. But I know that I am.
I think this exercise is really good for me.
---
Ok. I think this is good for now. I'm sure there are other people out there that should be on the list, but I can't think of any off the top of my head right now. I was going to add my friend Japeth to this list, but for some reason I don't feel as scared about him. Maybe I will feel differently tomorrow.
*I don't know if I actually believe in no pain no gain, because I don't think gaining has to be painful, I just think that's something we're conditioned to believe. But I do believe that we have to be willing to take risks in order to live the life of our dreams.
I've been doing some serious introspection lately. I'm not exactly sure why I'm writing this particular blog entry or where it's going to go, but something about it feels important to do.
So this blog has been all about getting real with my finances. Along the way I sort of pieced together that being rich (monetarily, but also in the grander sense, like living a life that feels rich and full and free) is about facing your fears. I am not sure exactly how I came to this conclusion, but it feels right to me, so I'm going with it. (We'll see if it works!)
So. In today's entry, I'm going to write about people who I'm most scared of writing about. These are people who, for whatever reason, I've given enormous power in my mind. I feel things towards/ about them that scare me and that I don't want them to know. Worse than them knowing is the fact that I'm also writing about them on the internet without their permission (and I don't really know these people very well). This might make them mad, angry, embarrassed, and cause me to be generally viewed as overall pathetic.
These are very scary thoughts. It does not feel good to think about people not liking me or being mad at me or feeling uncomfortable because of me. But I refuse to be held hostage by my own fears any longer. I'm stronger than what anybody thinks of me, even if they are people who, for whatever reason, I really want to like me. This is about overcoming a fear of rejection. And like they say-- those who risk little, get little! Or no pain no gain. Or something like that.*
If you are one of the people mentioned in this blog, and you want me to remove your section, let me know and I will absolutely do it immediately, no comments, no questions asked. The point is for me to face my fears, not to have things on the internet that make you feel uncomfortable. I appreciate you being alive, because I am learning so much about myself through this exercise! I apologize if I offended you in anyway, that was not my intention.
Ok. Here we go:
Thoughts I'm scared of admitting to people
#1. Morgan H
Morgan is a peripheral friend/ acquaintance. She is badass and stylish. She has incredible taste. I secretly look at her facebook sometimes to get fashion and haircut inspiration, which is always spot on. She always appears cool and unaffected, and like she knows the perfect thing to say and do. She is in my circle of friends, but as distant as a movie star. I'm not even sure if we would have enough in common to be closer friends, or if that's even the point. She is awesome.
Why I am scared of writing this:
I'm scared I will look pathetic for admiring her so much. I'm scared she will feel embarrassed because of me and I don't want to affect people like that. I don't want her to hate me or think I'm crazy and weird.
Ok. Was that so hard? Yes. It was. Really hard. I feel strange, icily weird and squirmish. Why? What is the big deal? Do I really need to take myself so seriously? No, I do not. Really, who cares? So you like this girl's style. GREAT! Why is that so bad? That is not bad. That is good. That is fine. Also, nobody is taking this as seriously as you are. You are the only one taking this seriously. They are only feelings. Enough. You are fine.
And, furthermore, so what if somebody doesn't like you? Really, does everybody have to like you? No, they don't. And won't. So you might as well be yourself.
Ok, keep telling yourself that. '
Ok, moving on.
#2: Aaron L.
So, this person is somebody I have admired from afar for a long time. I'm totally drawn to him. He writes for pitchfork and the Washington post. He's good looking and smart. I love his smile. It's not a sexual attraction, but there is some type of attraction there. One time, he gave me a ride in his car because I had a crush on his roommate. Might have been the best car ride of my entire life. I want to do something grand for him-- I want to be rich and give him a million dollars. I want to write and produce a really incredible album that he loves-- not so that he'll write about it, but maybe so that he will listen to it over and over and somehow be reminded without quite knowing why that he is good and important and necessary and inspiring.
Why scared: I feel dorky, silly, stupid, embarrassed-- I have these big feelings towards somebody I barely know. He will think I am pathetic.
Ok, this is getting easier. (No, it isn't. I just read this section over and I feel totally weird and scared. GET OVER IT! Getting over it.)
Moving on.
#3 Kathryn H.
Girl from my high school. We used to be very close. She was my first favorite singing partner. Her voice was (is, probably) piercingly melodic and pure. Hearing her sing is like breathing the freshest, cleanest air after being trapped in a dumpster or a gas chamber (only for your ears). I hooked up with her boyfriend senior year while they were dating and it ruined our friendship. It took me years to forgive myself and I'm not sure I ever got over it. She had a lot of things I wanted back then (not just her boyfriend), and still does. I remember only the good things about her. She is perfect in my mind. I miss laughing with her. She laughs like a queen.
Why scared: I am not sure. I can't figure this one out. But I know that I am.
I think this exercise is really good for me.
---
Ok. I think this is good for now. I'm sure there are other people out there that should be on the list, but I can't think of any off the top of my head right now. I was going to add my friend Japeth to this list, but for some reason I don't feel as scared about him. Maybe I will feel differently tomorrow.
*I don't know if I actually believe in no pain no gain, because I don't think gaining has to be painful, I just think that's something we're conditioned to believe. But I do believe that we have to be willing to take risks in order to live the life of our dreams.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
weekend in new york
so, this weekend i am traveling to the Big Apple to visit my awesome New York boyfriend. since he hasn't spent the past two years as a wandering gypsy/ "finding himself", he is lucky gainfully employed and has thoughtfully purchased my plane ticket for a visit. woo-hoo!
since i haven't gotten paid for my subjobs yet, i am still courageously non-liquid, which i think will be ok. (i was about to say "i am still frightfully non-liquid," but i refuse to be frightened by something like waning financial irresponsibility.) new york is not the easiest city in the world to navigate on a budget (understatement of the century), but i have too much invested in my future financial freedom to squander my newly coveted fiscal resources. we will simply have to spend the weekend doing activities that do not necessitate lots of liquidity such as netflix, talking, and having loads of sex. oh darn.
at least, this is what i thought i was feeling.
i got an email today from my New York boyfriend, who said that one of "our spots" (a bar where we had a really magical night one of the first nights i decided i was in love with him) is now serving brunch, and that we should go this saturday and check it out. at first i was so excited. but then thought, "shoot. i might not be able to afford this brunch, depending on how the weekend goes." do you know what a weird feeling that is, to really admit that to yourself? it was weird to me. i think if i had to do it a year ago, it would have made me feel sick and horrible. one of the worst-- the absolute WORST-- feelings in the entire world to me is the feeling of feeling poor. NOT the kind of poor where you are "poor", but living with a bunch of hippies/ gypsies/ travelers on the road and playing music and hitchhiking and busking and dirty and having adventures and living the life kind of poor. no. that kind of poor is manageable. i'm talking about the kind of poor where everybody around you seems refined and elegant and is wearing perfectly coordinated hip designer vintagewear and looking grand and fabulous and drinking champagne and talking about what's going on in the world and what they're doing in their interesting jobs, and you wanting to belong and converse with them as equals with your handsome and intelligent boyfriend, but you're not sure that what's left in your checking account is going to cover your happy hour tab-- that kind of poor. that is the worst. and that is the kind of poor i felt like i was being given the opportunity to face/ admit to/ overcome. very uncomfortable stuff.
in the past, i never would have done this. i never would have even considered thinking, (letting alone telling anyone) that maybe brunch at our adorable place was not really part of my budget for the time being. what i would have done is respond "ok, great!", and gone ahead and spent whatever money i had left on keeping up appearances.
however, armed with my new vision about where i am and where i want to be, as well as all the practice of getting real with it on this blog, the prospect of coming clean did feel a little more manageable.
so i wrote him back, and told him that while it sounded like a super idea, i wasn't really in a position this weekend to go dutch on a lot of the things i'd normally be really excited to do. i wish i could say it was a breeze, but that would be lying. it sucked. it really did! it sucked real bad, and even though i do have the most understanding and wonderful BF on the block, it felt lousy and lame and pathetic. but then what happened? i got over it. i was like "well, whatever. it's only temporary. one day i'll be rich, and i'll laugh about the days i felt silly about being on budget."
wouldn't you know, he wrote back:
"oh melissa i know, and its okay. you're in transition! i'm not going to relent on the brunch though, so, i'm taking you to brunch on saturday... and i mean, if we want to do something, we'll just do it."
wow. aren't i lucky? some people are just so lucky. i am just the luckiest thing! now, i don't even have to spend my burgeoning resources AND i still get to eat brunch at the huckleberry bar on saturday with one of the best boys in all of New York city!! i am so lucky.
i don't mean to be preachy, but i think this is what you get for being honest. i highly suggest it!
since i haven't gotten paid for my subjobs yet, i am still courageously non-liquid, which i think will be ok. (i was about to say "i am still frightfully non-liquid," but i refuse to be frightened by something like waning financial irresponsibility.) new york is not the easiest city in the world to navigate on a budget (understatement of the century), but i have too much invested in my future financial freedom to squander my newly coveted fiscal resources. we will simply have to spend the weekend doing activities that do not necessitate lots of liquidity such as netflix, talking, and having loads of sex. oh darn.
at least, this is what i thought i was feeling.
i got an email today from my New York boyfriend, who said that one of "our spots" (a bar where we had a really magical night one of the first nights i decided i was in love with him) is now serving brunch, and that we should go this saturday and check it out. at first i was so excited. but then thought, "shoot. i might not be able to afford this brunch, depending on how the weekend goes." do you know what a weird feeling that is, to really admit that to yourself? it was weird to me. i think if i had to do it a year ago, it would have made me feel sick and horrible. one of the worst-- the absolute WORST-- feelings in the entire world to me is the feeling of feeling poor. NOT the kind of poor where you are "poor", but living with a bunch of hippies/ gypsies/ travelers on the road and playing music and hitchhiking and busking and dirty and having adventures and living the life kind of poor. no. that kind of poor is manageable. i'm talking about the kind of poor where everybody around you seems refined and elegant and is wearing perfectly coordinated hip designer vintagewear and looking grand and fabulous and drinking champagne and talking about what's going on in the world and what they're doing in their interesting jobs, and you wanting to belong and converse with them as equals with your handsome and intelligent boyfriend, but you're not sure that what's left in your checking account is going to cover your happy hour tab-- that kind of poor. that is the worst. and that is the kind of poor i felt like i was being given the opportunity to face/ admit to/ overcome. very uncomfortable stuff.
in the past, i never would have done this. i never would have even considered thinking, (letting alone telling anyone) that maybe brunch at our adorable place was not really part of my budget for the time being. what i would have done is respond "ok, great!", and gone ahead and spent whatever money i had left on keeping up appearances.
however, armed with my new vision about where i am and where i want to be, as well as all the practice of getting real with it on this blog, the prospect of coming clean did feel a little more manageable.
so i wrote him back, and told him that while it sounded like a super idea, i wasn't really in a position this weekend to go dutch on a lot of the things i'd normally be really excited to do. i wish i could say it was a breeze, but that would be lying. it sucked. it really did! it sucked real bad, and even though i do have the most understanding and wonderful BF on the block, it felt lousy and lame and pathetic. but then what happened? i got over it. i was like "well, whatever. it's only temporary. one day i'll be rich, and i'll laugh about the days i felt silly about being on budget."
wouldn't you know, he wrote back:
"oh melissa i know, and its okay. you're in transition! i'm not going to relent on the brunch though, so, i'm taking you to brunch on saturday... and i mean, if we want to do something, we'll just do it."
wow. aren't i lucky? some people are just so lucky. i am just the luckiest thing! now, i don't even have to spend my burgeoning resources AND i still get to eat brunch at the huckleberry bar on saturday with one of the best boys in all of New York city!! i am so lucky.
i don't mean to be preachy, but i think this is what you get for being honest. i highly suggest it!
Saturday, January 28, 2012
speaking the truth
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
--Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
A dear friend of mine posted this quote on her facebook page the other day. I am so extremely embarrassed to admit: when I first read it, I scoffed a little-- simply because it was a Dr. Seuss quote. It happened too quickly to realize what was going on, but I think if I could have put words to it, the monologue would have ran something like, "What does he know? All he did was write a bunch of silly kids books."
Right. "Silly kids books"-- over 46 of them. Books that some consider are singlehandedly responsible for making reading fun for kids. Books that have been turned into movies and academy award-winning short films. This, from a guy who went to Dartmouth, has illustrated for and been published in Life and Vanity Fair, and was (and still is) a world-renowned liberal and humanist. (And was probably rich to boot!) Ok Melissa.
I have a long way to go on being rich, unless I can stop thinking dumb shit without even realizing it.
Furthermore, since coming across it, I have not been able to get this quote out of my head. I was thinking about it this morning, as I was updating my linkedin page, and noticing how, in the section under "blog", I had chosen not to put down the address of this very blog that you are reading. And it made me start to question: why is it that we choose to hide some things about ourselves, and not others? Because if our man Theo is right, and "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"...
... Is all this discretion really and truly necessary?
Living with my mom has been so interesting. I see her a strong woman with a lot of insightful, and sometimes wonderfully controversial, thoughts and opinions about people and things. I am her daughter, so naturally I get to hear things she says that other people do not get to hear-- especially concerning feelings she has towards and about others. And yet, sometimes, when I ask her, "Well Mom, why don't you just say that to such and such a person?" I've heard her respond: "Melissa, you can't actually say that, nobody actually says that." (Only to me, I guess, because I am her daughter.)
Well, why not? Why can't we actually say the things we actually think and feel? If we have a thought or opinion, aren't we entitled (and dare I say, maybe even a little compelled?) to share it? And what is so bad about what all of us are thinking, that we have to pretend that we are not thinking it? Shouldn't the fact that are alive and trying our best be enough?
My first thought, when I thought about publishing this website on my linkedin page was: "Oh, absolutely not, can't do that. Surefire way to discourage any potential employers."
But, at the end of the day, do I really want to be hired by those employers? Don't I want to be hired by an employer that can value and appreciate me exactly the way I am? Are there any such employers out there even, and if so, would I even want to work for their company? (If they are out there, I doubt they are on linkedin, because fat lot of good signing up for that website has done me.)
--
I think I figured out why I can not post this on my linked in page.
Somewhere inside there is a part of me, that wants to live an alternative life that is not myself. In my professional job, I want to an opportunity to highlight some of my best and most favorite personality traits, but not reveal all of them. I am seeking an environment where I can put forth an image-- where I can play a role, like an actress so to speak-- and then return home to a private and safe space where I can live and be my "real" and "authentic" self. Essentially, I want to play and be different things for and with different people in different environments, but not be the same person all the time in all places. Why do I want to do this? I'm not sure. Maybe it is more fun that way? Or maybe I don't really want to do it. Maybe I just think I want to do it because the "professional" world seems like a judgmental and unfriendly place.
But do I have to see it that way?
Comments/ thoughts/ insights on this subject would be most helpful/ appreciated. Or maybe I am the only person out there that ever thinks (hyper-incessantly and analytically) about things like this?
Link to my linkedin page.
--Theodor Seuss Geisel (Dr. Seuss)
A dear friend of mine posted this quote on her facebook page the other day. I am so extremely embarrassed to admit: when I first read it, I scoffed a little-- simply because it was a Dr. Seuss quote. It happened too quickly to realize what was going on, but I think if I could have put words to it, the monologue would have ran something like, "What does he know? All he did was write a bunch of silly kids books."
Right. "Silly kids books"-- over 46 of them. Books that some consider are singlehandedly responsible for making reading fun for kids. Books that have been turned into movies and academy award-winning short films. This, from a guy who went to Dartmouth, has illustrated for and been published in Life and Vanity Fair, and was (and still is) a world-renowned liberal and humanist. (And was probably rich to boot!) Ok Melissa.
I have a long way to go on being rich, unless I can stop thinking dumb shit without even realizing it.
Furthermore, since coming across it, I have not been able to get this quote out of my head. I was thinking about it this morning, as I was updating my linkedin page, and noticing how, in the section under "blog", I had chosen not to put down the address of this very blog that you are reading. And it made me start to question: why is it that we choose to hide some things about ourselves, and not others? Because if our man Theo is right, and "those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind"...
... Is all this discretion really and truly necessary?
Living with my mom has been so interesting. I see her a strong woman with a lot of insightful, and sometimes wonderfully controversial, thoughts and opinions about people and things. I am her daughter, so naturally I get to hear things she says that other people do not get to hear-- especially concerning feelings she has towards and about others. And yet, sometimes, when I ask her, "Well Mom, why don't you just say that to such and such a person?" I've heard her respond: "Melissa, you can't actually say that, nobody actually says that." (Only to me, I guess, because I am her daughter.)
Well, why not? Why can't we actually say the things we actually think and feel? If we have a thought or opinion, aren't we entitled (and dare I say, maybe even a little compelled?) to share it? And what is so bad about what all of us are thinking, that we have to pretend that we are not thinking it? Shouldn't the fact that are alive and trying our best be enough?
My first thought, when I thought about publishing this website on my linkedin page was: "Oh, absolutely not, can't do that. Surefire way to discourage any potential employers."
But, at the end of the day, do I really want to be hired by those employers? Don't I want to be hired by an employer that can value and appreciate me exactly the way I am? Are there any such employers out there even, and if so, would I even want to work for their company? (If they are out there, I doubt they are on linkedin, because fat lot of good signing up for that website has done me.)
--
I think I figured out why I can not post this on my linked in page.
Somewhere inside there is a part of me, that wants to live an alternative life that is not myself. In my professional job, I want to an opportunity to highlight some of my best and most favorite personality traits, but not reveal all of them. I am seeking an environment where I can put forth an image-- where I can play a role, like an actress so to speak-- and then return home to a private and safe space where I can live and be my "real" and "authentic" self. Essentially, I want to play and be different things for and with different people in different environments, but not be the same person all the time in all places. Why do I want to do this? I'm not sure. Maybe it is more fun that way? Or maybe I don't really want to do it. Maybe I just think I want to do it because the "professional" world seems like a judgmental and unfriendly place.
But do I have to see it that way?
Comments/ thoughts/ insights on this subject would be most helpful/ appreciated. Or maybe I am the only person out there that ever thinks (hyper-incessantly and analytically) about things like this?
Link to my linkedin page.
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